Groucho Marx
1890-1977

Writer, Comedian, Film Actor, and Singer

Famous Quotes

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”
“Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.”
“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”
“It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.”
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
“I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.”
“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
“Patience is the art of finding something else to do.”
“My brother thinks he’s a chicken—We don’t talk him out of it because we need the eggs.”
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’”
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”
“I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.”
“While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
“[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.”
“If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.”
“There’s only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.”
“Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.”
“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”